Monday, August 26, 2013

The case in which I'm strapped to a backboard for two hours after eating a pound of cherries and drinking a large cup of coffee...

So (I'm still in the states) it's 5 p.m. and my sister is driving us home from Grandma's on the interstate. We stop in a town called Thorpe for a huge bag of beautiful black cherries and a coffee. We hop back in the car and chatterbox our way into the foothills of the Cascades. We are sipping our coffee and eating cherries like there's no tomorrow.

Right as you roll into the Cascades, the interstate always gets congested... especially on a Sunday when all the people from Seattle want to get home from Eastern Washington. The traffic is getting pretty snug and everyone is still driving pretty fast. As always, there are some nutty, aggressive drivers... one in particular who cuts us off so breathtakingly that my sister says with a frowny face,
"We should really write his license plate number down".

Meaning I should because she's driving. But of course I didn't and we continue yacking and eating cherries.

Then, that nutty driver slams on his brakes suddenly.

Sister slams on our brakes and we stop without hitting him... just barely.

Unfortunately the people behind us did not. We were hit by the car behind us and the car behind him hit so hard that the second car was totaled. So we were rear-ended twice.

With the second impact, our sunglasses flew off our heads and we were thrown forward fairly hard but not hard enough for the airbags to inflate. We sat stunned for a moment, checked ourselves out and determined we were okay.

We were in one piece with nothing broken except sunglasses but as the next few minutes transpired, I began to feel ill and my back hurt. Of course, you should know that my back always hurts because I'm a big belly blob and am on an endless quest to improve my core strength so my back hurts less.

And as to the nausea, you're probably thinking Yeh dummy, when you eat a pound of cherries and drink a cup of coffee at five in the afternoon you are going to have a belly ache. That didn't occur to me in the whirlwind of events that followed the accident.

When the police officer came to check on us and asked if there were injuries we explained that my back hurt and that I was nauseous and before I knew it, four buffed-out paramedics were laying me very carefully out on a backboard in the blaring sun and taping my forehead, hips and ribcage down. I was lugged off to the ambulance. My thoughts at this moment, ever practical... were: Shit, shit shit, why the hell does my big opportunity to watch the flexing muscles of firefighters and paramedics have to be thwarted by the damn blinding sun!!!!

My sister, reassured me later that it's a good thing I invested in that new bra on our shopping trip the day before because I had this whole Valkyrie boob thing going on. See why I love my sister so much?

So, I'm in the ambulance, secretly eye rolling because I knew I was fine but everyone wanted to take the proper precautions and make sure my back ache wasn't something catastrophic. We had to drive back to Ellensburg (about 45 minutes) to the emergency room.

In the meantime, my wits are back about me as I'm lying in that ambulance being jostled. And uh-oh,  my belly is gurgling. My belly is big time clowning (as my husband so delicately puts it). I'm strapped down very uncomfortably to that backboard so tightly that I can barely pinch my butt cheeks if the need should arise. I know because I tested it sensing with potential doom what might happen.

Finally we get to the emergency room and I was so happy to see my sister's smiling face! They put us in a room and fussed with me briefly and there I sat waiting for the Doctor. Sister! I stage whispered.. Where the hell is the doctor? My belly is clowning bad and I have to pee!!!" And then we laughed pretty damn hard which didn't help matters at all and she took this picture and went to get the nurse to see if she could hurry things up.

Only my sister would take a picture...
The nurse returned with a bedpan. I don't know how the hell they were going to work that out especially if my neck was broken. I swore I could hold it (and I don't know how I did) and after a long 45 minutes the doctor came in, blessed me as fine and I was un-taped from the board. With the tape went half my bangs but what the hell... who needs bangs. I needed a bathroom.

So, after using the facilities and getting checked out, we left the hospital and drew a big relieved breath and drove the final miles home...

eating the rest of the cherries, yacking and laughing at our near miss.


Anonymous said...

this blog post is the best!!!

Anonymous said...

SOOOO after I laughed my self silly, I was so glad you weren't hurt.


edith said...

Oh me too K!!! We did reflect on the way home about the "what-if's"... very sobering.