Monday, May 12, 2014

Better than a bouquet of flowers

A note from my daughter for Mother's Day yesterday:

Well, it's that time of year again, that "mother appreciation day" or something. "Moms dont do housework day". Pfff. Something like that. I'll google it later.

 That aside I guess I have to say something NICE. Since you raised me and all. I mean, you did raise me. What's more, you birthed me. You carried me in your belleh, getting all the while fatter and fatter, sacrificing your hot bod for my sake. Weird. I guess one could say that was the first sign of proper motherhood that you showed. You know, making an educated... or not educated. But I like to think you were educated. Decision on whether you want to birth YET ANOTHER child. What's freaky about it, is that you never know what you're going to get. It's like sticking your hand in a cracker jack box and thinking "I want a ring I want a ring" but instead you get a baseball card. Luckily you got a ring though. I'm kinda glad, because if I was a baseball card idk. I mean, if I was a guy. Idk. You probably would h8 life if you had all boys. You would end up being a soccer mom, or you would end up eternally depressed because you never had anyone to nag about brushing their hair.
But then, you might not have had to deal with all the bedwetting and teenage girl drama if I was a boy. Pfff. man. You have to be REALLY stupid to be that patient. If I was you, I would have thrown me out of the window the minute I said something out of turn. Damn you have to be really stupid to be that patient.

 Or just loving or something. I guess. I mean I guess it could be that you're loving, and also a sane person for that matter. I dunno. I guess it's also pretty impressive (I GUESS) that you raised 3 kids, sometimes by yourself. Cause like, dad was off doing things, like hobbies or something. What was he doing? Oh yeah, he was servin the country. That's a different story tho. I'm just p impressed I guess that you dealt with his absences so well. I guess. Yeah. I actually wrote you a cheesy poem in the margin of my marine biology notes, and wrote it, almost clicked "post" but then was like. "wouldn't this be infinately more meaningful if I sat on the toilet for a shit and wrote her something on the fly?" Idk. I think so. also as I was just sitting down opening my computer I thought "boy if I was there i would bake her a cake or something."

Anyway mom. I GUESS I appreciate your patience. And also everything else. I think the best thing you ever did for us kids was be a frank person. Like you never took us to the doctor or anything for colds, and basically called us out on our bullshit when we were being dumb. You kinda remind me of Julia Childs I guess, like how she cooks all just slapping things around. Actually that's basically you. Yeah. So anyway happy "Dont Do My Laundry, No No Mommy, I'll Do It" day. Luv u I SUPPOSE.
Time to get off the toilet and do my homework so I dont waste your $$$$ by failing my college courses. BAi.

1 comment:

Judy Rae said...

Edith, I especially loved this post. Your daughter is a hoot!

Hope this little note finds your crew healthy and happy... :)